Prayerfully

Today I have a very dear friend who is in surgery. It is not what they consider minor surgery, but extensive, intense surgery. I am finding it hard to think about much else besides my friend and her hubby waiting for news on her condition. Waiting is hard...

Be still and know that I am God.

I am, Lord, but it is hard!

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him.

Patiently?

Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.

I'll wait, Lord...trusting your sovereignty and your care of my friend!

Thank You, Lord, that You knit my friend together in your mother's womb! Thank You that You are intimately acquainted with every nerve, vessel and fiber of her being! Thank You for the assurance that You love her more than any of us ever could! Thank You for Your presence there in that operating room and for your watch over the surgeons!

May You be glorified in it all!!!

P.S. Just got word that her surgery is done and it went well! So very thankful!!!

Coffee on the back porch while sounds of life escape thru cracked doors and windows.

A simple reminder that being still and quiet is an attitude of the heart and not a location easily found!

Psalm 46:10 ~ Be still and know that I am God.

Yes, yes you are...and I am waiting...heart and mind at rest...for what You have to say!

Pain

We are in the middle of a missions emphasis at church and our friend, JB spoke yesterday. JB has been a friend of ours for almost 16 years and it was amazing to see how he has grown in his ability to communicate in a public forum. Made me get teary-eyed I was just so proud of him.

JB was talking about leading missions trips to Cambodia and Haiti and the extreme poverty of wealth and spirit you can witness there. He also shared about witnessing extreme joy from people who have nothing because they have had a radical encounter with Jesus Who meets all their expectations and needs according to His riches in glory. JB had a lot of great things to share, but one statement he shared really resonated with me. He was talking about the phenomenon of pain and what it drives us to do and he said...

When you hurt, I pray! When I hurt, I doubt!

Wow! What a truthful nugget to chew on!! My first response when I hear of pain and struggle in someone else's life is always to pray. I let them know I am praying, I request others to pray and I talk to the Lord a lot about their pain. When I experience pain, though, I often jump ahead of prayer to questioning why Papa would allow me to hurt so deeply if He loves me as much as He says He does. Why do I assume His grace, mercy and care is sufficient for everyone but me?

It seems as if other's pain allows me to clearly see His care, desire and ability to intervene on their behalf while my own pain causes me to curl up in the fetal position and wonder why He seems so far away! How is that?

Reality is, the same compassion He has for the hurts of my friends and those I hear about is available to me in just as superfluous a capacity as it is for them. I just have to own that Truth. I just have to understand that there is a picture so much bigger than I can adequately comprehend. I must believe deep in my heart that an imperfect world full of imperfect people is going to have imperfect things happen within it that cause me pain, but that is not the end of the story. There is a perfect Saviour Who is more than able to gather me up...hurts and all...and reassemble the pieces of my life the way He sees fit so that my life and my faith end up a work of art created by the One Who can bring beauty from ashes.

^{Isaiah 61:1-3 ~ 1} The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,

because the LORD has anointed me

to proclaim good news to the poor.

He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,

to proclaim freedom for the captives

and release from darkness for the prisoners,^[a]

² to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor

and the day of vengeance of our God,

to comfort all who mourn,

³ and provide for those who grieve in Zion—

to bestow on them a crown of beauty

instead of ashes,

the oil of joy

instead of mourning,

and a garment of praise

instead of a spirit of despair

Thank you, Papa, for loving me enough to allow me to experience pain. Pain, while so difficult at the time, is usually the catalyst that stands to drive me straight into Your arms if I choose not to doubt but to trust Your love and care. May I be willing to extend the same measure of grace to myself as I do to others and may I not allow struggle to turn my eyes away from the You and Your ability to meet me in the midst of my struggle!

She's Back!

Well, this year has been a year of big changes and lots of unexpected blessings. It has been a year of feeling overwhelmed for me, though, too! So many changes...so many new relationships...so many new responsibilities added to all the old ones...served to make me feel like a deer in headlights. On the outside I looked pretty calm, but on in the inside I was scrambling!

Since my kids need to eat every day and if I don't school them they may have to go live somewhere else...and since my house continues to get dirty, the clothes need washing, the relationships need stroking and the church women need overseeing...the only thing I could think that I could let go of was taking care of myself! Of course, in hindsight, I realize this was a foolish conclusion to reach, but it was where I landed, none-the-less!

Sadly, my multiple workouts a week fell to the wayside, my writing dwindled down because I didn't even take the time to ponder much of anything and any type of strategic eating plan was just one more draining thing to have to maintain. So while I tried to look in the mirror and embrace the almost 48 year old face and body that stared back at me, it was becoming increasingly hard and it was my own fault!

About a month ago I decided it was time to take care of me again. I decided it was time to carve out time to remember what I liked, who I was, what I thought and to exercise just for me! I started walking again, I took more pictures of things that made me happy, I resumed a healthier way of eating, I started taking my vitamins and supplements again and I allowed myself just to sit and think. Today I took the next step which might have been the hardest of all...

I invited Jillian back into my life!!!

Ugh! I had forgotten how mixed my emotions were where she was concerned! On the one hand she works my tail and that is a good thing! On the other hand, she works my tail in such a way that it makes me hate her just a teensy little bit. I guess I consider her a necessary evil when you get right down to it.

At the beginning of the year I was doing P90X or 2 levels of Jillian at a time. Today I managed to struggle thru the first level of Jillian and then get on the elliptical for 20 minutes to finish up. This time around I am bringing a very bum knee to the workouts and so I had to modify slightly, but I did it!

Day 1 is in the books!

It's hard when you have put yourself in the position of starting at square 1 again, but...I started! I took the plunge and I am going to continue because, quite frankly, I am worth taking care of! Hopefully a benefit will be clothes fitting better and a weight deficit slowly recorded, but right now I am just happy to be doing something for myself.

Thank You, Lord, for your gentle reminder that I am important, too. Thank You for helping me realize that in taking care of myself I position myself to be better equipped to take care of others. Thanks for motivating me to let Jillian whoop my tail and cause me to push my body to the extremes again! Thank You, most of all for your sweet murmurings that, in spite of it all, You love me just the way I am!!