Living Fully

I am reading Ann Voskamp's book, One Thousand Gifts, and I can't say enough good about it. Ann paints glorious pictures with words and leaves you feeling as if you have spent time in the greatest museums of the world experiencing incredible works of art. You are left staring at the words as they swirl about you in such a way that you can almost smell them, taste, them and reach out and touch them.

As I corralled my swirling mind and troubled heart last night so that I could sit down and read, I found my mind clearing, my breaths deepening and my heart opening back up again. Her subtitle is "A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are". Isn't that funny? The Lord, through Ann, was daring me to live fully right where I was in the midst of feeling hurt, abandoned and betrayed. If He was daring me then surely it must be possible, right?

As I was reading, small book light casting shadows and hubby snoring softly beside me, I stopped with a small intake of breath as I read these words...

"'Just maybe...maybe you don't want to change the story, because you don't know what a different ending holds.'"

Did you just find your breath catch as mine did when you read these profound words? Words that came from Ann's brother as he buried his second young son! How many times have I wished that I might insert a chapter into this life I call mine? A chapter penned solely by me that would contain no suffering, no pain, no stinging words or emotions other than simple joy. Sometimes I want to write a chapter in advance and just have Papa sign His name to it at the end...give it His blessing, if you will.

How ludicrous, not to mention insolent, to even infer that I might be able to pen a story that would have a better outcome than the One Who created me and allowed my first breath to cross my lips! He is the One Who sees the big picture, knows what I need and sees how it all one day plays out! The joys and the milestones are a huge part of this life I am living, but the pain, the hurt and the sorrows are what He uses to shape me to look just a little bit more like Him.

Stripped of myself and my own ability to see the final outcome, I am forced to trust Him. I am forced to realize that when I pick up my own pen and attempt to get a head start on Him, I am participating in an exercise in futility. It's as if I have just written a great masterpiece (in my mind) in vanishing ink! Even Job saw this truth clearly in Job 42 when he said...

² “I know that you can do anything,
and no one can stop you.
³ You asked, ‘Who is this that questions my wisdom with such ignorance?’
It is I—and I was talking about things I knew nothing about,
things far too wonderful for me.

Another version of this passage says that the Lords plans cannot be thwarted. Reality is, we can thrash around in the midst of our story, fight what we find around every corner and tell Him all we want that our way makes much more sense. How senseless to think, though, that my version would come anywhere close to bringing joy and contentment in this life. How dare I not live fully right where I am, trusting that He has a reason for everything I encounter in life!

Lord, I am sorry for all the times I, in my foolishness, thought I knew better than You. I am sorry for all the times I mentally pulled out pages of Your plan for me and tried to insert revisions penned for my own comfort. The only life I want to live...the only life worth living at all...is the one You have ordained before even one of my days came to be.

Lord, please help me embrace this life not fight it. Help not rush through it mindlessly, looking for counterfeit lovers to numb the pain. Help me to be intentional with each step, each relationship and each choice I find myself facing. Thank you for daring me to live fully right where I am! May I be found faithful when all is said and done!!

1 Cor. 2:9 ~

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard,

and no mind has imagined

what God has prepared

for those who love him.”