Faith...or Lack of it?

My friend has cancer. She was diagnosed about 1 1/2 years ago and has undergone many rounds of chemo. She was recently removed from the chemo because it appeared it was not doing its job of killing off the cancer.

My friend and I are joining 2 other girls in the study Believing God by Beth Moore. She picked the study and I am not sure if she picked it for herself or for us! We certainly need to believe God in some areas right now, too.

I am finding, though, that I am struggling through processing the whole faith issue as I think about my friend. If faith that has not been tried cannot be trusted, then I guess this struggle is a good thing! Sure feels icky, though!

I wrote down these questions today as I contemplated the scriptures I had been reading and the words Beth had penned...

What am I afraid to believe God for and why? Am I afraid of His perhaps unwillingness to do what we ask or my lack of faith in believing He can? Does my faith, or lack of it, even help or hinder Him in any way?

I realize I am afraid to ask God for my friend's healing because I don't want to become too attached to the outcome should His answer require her heavenly healing rather than a healing that allows her to stay with us for longer! I believe He CAN heal my friend, but will He? His word says, "Without faith it is impossible to please God", so is it the act of believing He can or He will that shows true faith?

Wonder if I'll ever have answers to these questions this side of heaven? I rest in the fact that He sees my heart for what it is and He understands my desire to wrestle with Him for the answers and not against Him!!